Tales from Columbia Court

It’s been a week of distractions and as this is my last morning of free time before the weekend hits I feel a need to get something on the blog!

At the beginning of this week I had questions running around in my head around the theme of success.  What it is, how it should be defined and what it means for me now.

On Monday I had the third in a series of car issues, which I won’t bore you with, but what ended up with me sitting in a garage for a few hours waiting for a new battery to be installed in my car.  So sitting in the lounge area I hooked up to the Wi-Fi and dived into social media.

Whilst I was stumbling around on twitter I came across a new follower, an old school friend and so we had a quick exchange of direct messages to touch base.  Then I had a nose around to see who else they were following and came across another face from the past.

The tangled web of social media networking – the challenges of who to ‘friend’ or ‘follow’ and what you wish to share with whom.

Anyway this got me thinking about the fact that I’m feeling a ‘bit older’ and that this year it’s twenty years since I started my undergraduate degree and therefore quite a few more years ago than that, that I was sat in a class with some of these people at school.  I had a few moments of wondering what they were all up to and what I could remember about who.

A web presence is a powerful thing and although I know that the majority of websites are built to market and sell a person or product it is interesting to think about that external perspective and what others see when they find you online.

What would we like others to perceive about us and our success?

Success can be measured in so many different ways.  There is the high flying career success: hitting the headlines, being the best in your field, networking and promoting yourself and your skills with the wider world.  Having the website with the shiny pictures and glowing reviews.

There is work based personal success: knowing that you have done the very best that you can.  Knowing that you have acted professionally with strong moral and ethical purpose – gone the extra mile.  Been thanked or rewarded for your efforts.  Personal satisfaction of a job well done.

Then there is something much deeper in terms of internal contentment.

Alongside all of this there is the mix between the workplace and the life.

I’m not working at the moment in a professional sense, but I am working at supporting my family and for me that was a huge shift.  Now I am a couple of years into this new role, new way of life and we are doing OK.  However…

I’m at the point where the date in the diary for the next phase of life is approaching and although there is time yet, the planning side of my brain is going:  “What do I do next?”

I guess part of me hopes that alongside the public perception of an individual’s success that they have that inner contentment.  That feeling that life is good and that they are making a difference.  I hope that the energies consumed in gaining the successes in their professional world haven’t killed off the successes of their personal lives.

I’ve had the luxury of taking a break, having a bit more time to breathe and to reflect.  It’s not been an easy ride, but I’ve got to the point where I can say it is working and I do have those moments of internal contentment.  Moments that are more frequent and longer lasting now.  I just need to work out what my plan will be for the future and hope that I can maintain the balance whilst seeking the professional success that I still crave.

I seem to spend my days trying to play catch up with this project.  I already have a year of things that I want to record and then keeping up with the here and now when there is a pre-schooler who takes priority is at times a challenge.

So today, I am writing from the Sagebrush Café.  I have my laptop, my latte and a very yummy slice of lemon bar to spur me on!  I have a short window before pick up time so let’s see how much I manage to put down on paper!

I have the privilege of being part of two mummy groups.  MOPS which you already know about and in the last couple of months a new group called Moms Connect.

Moms Connect is put together in a similar way to the way MOPS works, but the women that are members can have children of any age so we have the full spectrum of ages covered.  There is a theme and a book which provides the curriculum and this group is in its infancy so is growing in number and confidence as we work through the material together.

Women really need other women and it is so great to feel a connection and to have the opportunity to share and support each other – another blessing that I count in this new life.

This week I have had MOPS yesterday and this morning Moms Connect, so double the time to reflect and get the brain cells working on other things than snacks and is it time to rush to gymnastics, swim lessons and what should we have for dinner…oh and I really should do some washing up!

Yesterday there was a lot going on at MOPS it was busy and full to bursting with conversation and discussion.  Our table leader decided to take us into another space in the building for some space and some silence so that we could complete our prayer and share – or should that be share and prayer.

We take it in turns to put in our request or to say that “we’re good this week”and then our table leader leads us in prayer.  Moving to another space, sitting on the floor in a circle in the silence, listening to the one voice in the room and listening to that internal voice was really powerful.

This morning we have been talking about balance and the things that are in our lives that put pressure onto maintaining that balance.  It’s different for all of us and taking just a little time to think about life and hanging onto that pendulum that swings between simplicity and complexity and all the things we juggle as mothers and wives really made me think about the journey that I am on.  How I am growing as a person.  That although we take time to look backwards we move forward, we progress move to a new phase and become a different version of ourselves.

A few weeks ago (6th October 2014) we made a visit to the Los Angeles County Museum of Art (LACMA).  The interesting thing is that this visit occurred just as I had read online an article about art galleries and museums.  www.ideastap.com  A somewhat controversial view which no doubt created some conversation in the world of social media.  It certainly made me think and probably shifted my perception of our visit to LACMA the following day.

Our visit was two families made up of three adults and two children (both 3yo’s) so we headed to the children’s gallery where they could do some painting.  painting1LACMA; painting2LACMA; M&3yoLACMA  (These should all be landscape, but haven’t worked that out yet – I’m just amazed I’ve got the links to work!!)

We then had some time to use before a story time session.  We had already had to curtail the children’s enthusiasm in exploring the ‘noodles’ which we discovered on the way to the children’s gallery.

Now wouldn’t you just want to dash through and twirl etc…well especially if your three!

So we decided to check out another outside exhibit which was a ‘big rock’ suspended over a walk way.  No perching on the wall allowed (as I attempted to balance my bag to find my sunglasses) – good job we had already told the boys “no climbing”!

Despite the number of attendants and guards wandering about keeping an eye on things, they seemed shocked and surprised as we reported a big bin that had caught fire, next to a tree, next to the tar pits…..suddenly a flurry of activity as we watched the tree begin to catch alight.  Others were watching – perhaps they already thought staff were aware – taking photos.  We moved away so that the children could have a snack and their patience was rewarded by getting to see two fire trucks!

We took a few minutes to look around the display of kimonos and pottery while we waited for story time.  Three books read aloud in the foyer area including Dragons Love Tacos which we had heard before, but is a fabulous book to read aloud.

Then our final burst of activity was to play amongst the lamp posts. These are positioned between the LACMA buildings and the street, so you have to be a bit careful, but it did mean that hide and seek was played without interruption.

Apparently the design was one of the reasons some of these lamps were removed from the streets….

The children were signed up to a NexGen scheme so they have free membership until they are eighteen and can bring in one adult free with them each time they visit.  So the museum is certainly keen to have younger visitors.  The architecture of the buildings themselves was very pleasant on the eye and there is obviously much more to experience.  So we do need another visit or three.

It was probably the first grown up art gallery our child has visited and he did take interest in the things he was shown and I do want to take him back another time.  I also want to look round the things he may not be so captured by at his age and have some grown up time wandering around.

Short visits are definitely the way to experience this type of place when you have children with you.  I have fond memories of visiting such places with my parents and with school as I became older.  To have a love and appreciation of the arts is a valuable thing and I want to be able to nurture that in my child along with his love of books and literature and the outdoors.  So our walking feet and our looking eyes and our inside voices will be back another day!

Yesterday was a MOPS day.  I wasn’t sweeping and washing floors (actually if you know me you wouldn’t believe that anyway!) I was spending quality mummy time with other mummies.

I hadn’t heard about MOPS before I came to the States.  Playgroups, NCT, etc all fantastic opportunities for mummy time at home in England, but this is something different.

MOPS stands for Mothers of Preschoolers and is an international organisation (www.mops.org) and when I looked it up there are a few groups in the UK.  None of the UK groups are very local to our home town, but it has made it across the pond.

So what is it all about?  Well I get to spend two and a half hours in the company of some lovely women while our children are being looked after in the church preschool.  Not just in a separate room, but in a separate building…ok it’s across the car park, but you get my drift – I’m not juggling a cup of tea and a biscuit whilst talking to mums and keeping half an eye on my child and then doing the mad dash across the room to intervene in some antics – that are not ‘kind’.

I get to drop him off and go and have coffee and brunch – seriously no breakfast on a MOPS day (only made that mistake once!) – Brunch here means the works!!  There are hot dishes of breakfast casserole (stuff I’ve never seen before generally but yummy), cakes, fruit, yoghurt – anything goes for breakfast out here.

Tiny babies that are still with their mummies get lots of cuddles from the other mums in the room and the small ones that are too little for the preschool are in a nursery in the same building so are close by if a mum is needed.  Childcare TOTALLY sorted.

So there is food, conversation, discussion, fellowship and support.

There is a theme, a curriculum that is provided, so there are videos to watch and plenary bits, there is reference to scripture and there are prayers but the main action takes place in smaller groups.

What I liked about it when I first went along – knowing none of the other women there – was that I was allocated to a table.  In fact I had spoken to my table leader on the phone beforehand so already felt that I had been welcomed and that I knew where I was heading.  I had checked out the preschool the week or so before, so I knew where my son was going to be and he had had a chance to look around and get excited about the place and what he would be doing.

So instead of walking into a room full of people and feeling like I had to get to know everyone – I was immediately part of a small group and could get to know them first.

And now I feel like a have a wider network to share and do things.  There are opportunities for Moms Night Out that are organised by MOPS and then there are all the incidentals that come when women get to know one another, the play dates and socials and being at the end of a text message.

I have decided that I am going to set myself the task of posting something to this blog each week.  That will give me my focus to make the most of my time when my son is attending preschool.  He is attending two mornings a week at the moment for four hours each morning.  Bliss!

So, I was mussing what to tackle this week and I realised that I still had more I wanted to explore around identity.  (See my about page for what I wrote last week.)

This came up as a discussion at the MOPS meeting I attended last week.  More on MOPS later….to focus on the discussion; it was around how we describe ourselves and our views of how others perceive us.  About not labelling ourselves as being ‘JUST’ a mom.  In short, that moms are awesome, we shouldn’t undervalue this role and that we are supporting the next generation to succeed.

Twelve months ago I was a working mum.  I did the juggling of family and part time work alongside volunteering.  I was a manager, a school governor, I volunteered my time at my church and I contributed to my community.  So when the question came up: What do you do?  I had plenty of answers.

Filling in forms now and the question comes up: What is your occupation?  And I hesitate to know what to write.  I’m a housewife?  A stay at home mum? I’m on a career break / a sabbatical.  Whatever I put it doesn’t quite sit right on the inside.  Who am I??

So is all of this to do with the significant change I have put myself through?  Resigning, standing down, handing over, moving country, attempting to recreate a home from home.  Or is this to do with the values that we place on the different roles that we lead?  Now that I have reduced the hats that I wear down to the needs of my family there is a part of myself that is not in use – well for the time being anyway.  Were my external roles of more value?  And the answer for me is No – they weren’t.  My family came first, BUT I thrived on being busy, I loved feeling useful, I was motivated by helping others and I had a passion for supporting the development of others and enabling them to achieve.

So this identity thing is about taking time to adjust and working out what I do with the rest of me that isn’t being a wife, mother, daughter etc.  What I do with the bit of me that needs something else to sustain it and keeping a little bit of me for me.